But... one of the things I am, is a man who is the father of a son. And, what an interesting experience that has been. Fatherhood itself is truly one of the greatest honors I ever have ever been entrusted with by our Creator. But, to be the father of a son... that was something I thought I would never be given the opportunity to experience.
My little man is 3 years old, and rapidly approaching 4 years of age. And, he is ALL boy, and all action, adventure, running, jumping, climbing, hitting, sword fighting, tackling, wrestling, racing, throwing, smiling, laughing, fishing, hunting, shooting, and so much more! His favorite phrase in the midst of all of his daily adventurous exploits is... "Hey Daddy! Watch this..." And, without exaggeration, he literally says it ALL of the time! Truly, I could not even begin to count the number of times I hear him say it in a day. And, to be completely honest, I treasure the sound of it. I love it. That phrase, to me, is a reminder of who I am and who God has both called, and given me the opportunity to be and to become. It is a phrase that empowers me to stand upright, walk taller, and to speak more clearly."Hey Daddy! Watch this..." is a phrase that shapes and molds me. And, yet it haunts me as well. It haunts me because for every time I hear it in a day, I am reminded that it was a phrase I personally, as a boy, a son, and as a young man, NEVER spoke myself. Never. It is a phrase, that though when I hear it now, it fills an empty space in my soul, it also echos through me into the depths of a dangerously empty and wounded place in my heart.
I remember so many times as a child, and so many different occasions, when I wanted to know someone was watching me. Times when I needed to know I was seen, or when I wanted to be doing something that a father-figure would take notice of and remind me of who I was and of what I could become, accomplish, or dare to do. Times like when I was receiving an award at a Cub Scouts / Blue & Gold Banquet, or like when I broke my finger playing Catcher in "Little League" and finished the game anyway, or like when I was competing in "Punt, Pass and Kick" and finished in the top 5, or like the time my team tied in a championship football game in 6th grade after a double overtime, in which the game was finally called a "draw" because of rain, mud and lightning. Those were the times I wanted a father to be there to say... "I see you!" "I'm proud of you!" "You are my boy!" "Way to be tough!" "Good job, Son!"
Maybe there is someone out there reading these words of mine who "gets" the sentiment or the essence of my experience, and the void of "Fatherlessness" in your heart is like the void in mine. If who you are, is like who I am, I want to encourage you, and to remind you that there is now, and always has been One who has seen, and One who can see, you.
2 Chronicles 16:9a, is a reminder of the presence of the eyes of God and the relentless search He is all about in and through each and every day. It says, "For the eyes of the LORD search to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those (or the one) whose heart is completely His..." And, for me, this is a reminder that, in relationship with Jesus, there is always One Who sees me, and One to Whom, I can now say... "Hey Daddy! Watch This!"
May God bless us both with hope and desperation enough to cause us to cry out to Him and say... "Hey Daddy! Watch This!"
Keep On Keepin' On...
Rob Schmutz, Pastor
The United Methodist Church at Park City
